LARRY SOSNOW: The potential pitfalls in caring for a spouse lies in the very relationship that the husband and wife have for each other. If the wife-husband relationship is good to begin with and loving, there's nothing better than being a so-called "support" for the spouse. But if you don't have a good relationship and you find your spouse all of a sudden ill in a chronic terminal illness, you're going to resent caring for your spouse and probably that's where you should have an outside caregiver.
ANNOUNCER: Many health professionals feel caregiving should not fall squarely on the shoulders of a spouse.
LARRY SOSNOW: If the spouse has a chronic illness that's going to progress pretty rapidly, it's wrong for the one spouse to care for the other spouse and not be the mate, not be the wife or the husband and give them the proper social, marital support.
In many cases, the best that you can offer your spouse is to provide outside professional care, to bring in an agent who will provide the care, rather than you doing it yourself.
ANNOUNCER: If financial resources permit hiring outside help, it is important to set the right boundaries in advance so you know what to expect.
CAREGIVER: I think it's very hard to draw lines here between my responsibility, the caregiver's responsibility, and even the housekeepers responsibility, and I've struggled with where do you draw the line.
I think it would be very helpful for the spouse of the patient to get a job description.